On The Exponential Amplification of the Necessity for Urinary Activity Upon Approach To and Arrival At One's Threshold and While Attempting To Unlock the Door

Scientific enough for you?
Sort of reminds me of the full name of Origin of Species by Charles Darwin (On the Origin of Species by means of Natural Selection, or the Preservation of Favored Races in the Struggle for Life). I guess this one could be shortened to..."Having to Pee When One Reaches the Door"?

Whatever we call it, we all know it's true. So true, we could write a scientific paper just on the phenomenon (hence the extravagantly long title).

If you're looking for a deep and meaningful post, move on. This is a frivolous discussion of a somewhat silly topic. That doesn't make it any less relevant than other issues, though. This is something that affects us all. You know as well as I do that it has probably happened to you within the last couple of weeks. You're in the car, or on the bus, or walking, or using whatever mode of transportation you use to get home. Maybe you have to pee a little, maybe you have to pee a lot, maybe you don't have to pee at all. But then you get home. It probably starts when you pull up outside, or when you get to the first step. You quicken your pace a little, and come to a door. One of two things now happens:

1) You have a key. But where is it? Probably in your pocket, you hear a faint jingling sound. But that's the pocket where your wallet is - an obstacle you can either move past or remove from the pocket. Now you can feel the keys, but they're quite possibly ensnared in a web of headphones. The smart thing to do would be to remove the entire mess from your pocket and carefully separate them, but you don't even think about that. You either do the job one-handed right in your pocket or extract the mess and pull aimlessly. At last they're free, and you put what must be the right key to the door. It doesn't fit. Now you try a different key. And another. Eventually you eliminate the car key, only through trial and error. Turns out it was the first key, only upside down, or backwards, or both. Either way, you insert the key, turn it the wrong way, then turn it the right way, and the door opens.

OR

2) You don't have a key. Mum or dad or brother or sister has the key, and you're still waiting for them. You reach the door, and...
a)You wait for the person with the key. But they've probably stopped to do something else, like look at the plants, or talk to the neighbours, and they ignore your pleas for urgency.When they do finally come, they take their time finding the keys and opening the door.
b)they either give you the key after much stress, as in (2)a, or you take in immediately. Then see (1).

This information is possibly most appropriately displayed graphically:

(What did you THINK I meant by displayed graphically? o_O)


What happens next is pretty standard. You cover 7ft in each bound, and with luck, you get to a bathroom before everyone else does. If not, you skip the toilet and go to your underwear drawer and the shower (that was a joke, I hope that doesn't actually happen to anyone...).

I won't offer you an explanation or a solution, that's what Google is for. But maybe, just maybe, the next time this happens you'll remember this post. And you'll laugh. And you'll have to pee even more.

This has been your humble ranter. Happy reading, and keep thinking critically.